… is lame.
I have little doubt that in our universe, women who enjoy sex are considered un-trustworthy. Odd and limited in number. Our society doesn’t much like women making their own choices about sex, and if they do, they better not have as much fun making them as men. If women have multiple partners, they have low self-esteems. Porn stars and sex workers don’t enjoy sex—they are oppressed and exploited. And women who enjoy sex are “sexually aggressive” and a freaky oddity. Right?
The idea of a woman who has a lot of sex and enjoys it is still fraught with worry. There is the whiff of an old fear that if women’s sexuality got too potent, we might take over the world with our voracious vaginas. Not to mention bulging wombs. My personal fun theory of this fear is that back in the olden days, it freaked somebody out when a human being emerged out of a woman. Ever since that day, we have insisted on re-telling the event with all this sacred, purpose-of-life narrative, dictated by some of the most strict guidelines.
But I digress. This post is about orgasms.
I was watching Seinfield last week. Elaine was pink with pride as she talked about how in the past, she has faked orgasms convincingly. I realized that this is not an uncommon meme. In our popular imaginations, women routinely fake enjoyment during sex. There is the infamous scene in When Harry Met Sally with Meg Ryan climaxing after her pie. In both these instances, these characters are meant to be sexy somehow for their theatrical absence of pleasure. And it annoyed the crap out of me.
I have no clue if this is true in real life. I don’t know if there is a horde of women out there routinely faking orgasms. If anything, I am sure it’s not true. But it doesn’t really matter. What is floating around is this idea that faking an orgasm is a clever move. This—in my non-sexpert opinion—does several insidious things.
For one thing, it furthers a myth that women’s orgasms are mysterious and difficult to come by. It discourages honest discourse during intimacy. And worse, it suggests that women are selfless and good sexual partners by faking.
When in doubt if something is problematic, oolta the gender. Can you imagine a guy bragging about how he couldn’t achieve an erection? About how he was so tired and bored during the act, that he just faked the finish? Is that sexy? Clearly not. It’s a source of concern. A problem that needs a solution. Not the logical solution to a problem.
